This Is How It Goes
by The Liverpudlian
Summary: Something horrible happens to Stan and Kyle is there for him. Kyle/Stan strong friendship. To all Stan lovers: DO NOT READ this, please.


Ok... this is my attempt on writing a sad and emotional Oneshot. But be warned, if you love Stan, **don't read**.

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**This Is How It Goes**

"Aw... crap," Kyle said throwing his Xbox controller to the ground angrily.

"Haha, Kyle I beat you again," Stan said grinning at his best friend triumphantly. "But don't be sad, dude. I'm sure you'll win next time," he said nudging Kyle teasingly.

Kyle glared at Stan, "Fuck you, Stan. Let's play some other game, you just picked it because I suck at it. This time _I_ gotta pick the game."

Kyle jumped up with an enthusiastic smile suddenly replacing the glare on his face. He really couldn't be angry at Stan for long. The Jew began to run to the box where he kept his Xbox games but was stopped by Stan's voice.

"Sorry, Kyle, but it's 7:30, I have to get home to eat dinner," he said.

Kyle turned around and looked at Stan disappointedly, "Oh... but can't you eat with us? I'm sure mom won't mind."

Stan knew this situation, this is what happened every single time he had to go home from Kyle's house. "Sorry, dude, but I can't. Mom will be angry at me if I miss dinner again. So... see you tomorrow at school," he said standing up and turning to the door. He expected a silent 'bye' from Kyle. But to his surprise it didn't come.

"Aw, come on, Stan. Can't you stay a bit longer?" Kyle asked instead.

Stan sighed, "No, I told you I can't dude. Besides I have to do my homework still."

"You can copy mine, dude. Besides it's already dark outside," Kyle said. Something was different tonight, Kyle had a bad feeling about something, though he couldn't put his finger on it.

Stan frowned, "So? I'm often outside when it's dark..."

"C'mon, dude... can't you sleepover?" Kyle asked desperately.

"Dude, is something wrong? Why are you acting so strange?" Stan asked ignoring Kyle's question.

Kyle stopped and thought for a second, "I... don't know. I kind of have a bad feeling."

"About what?" Stan asked looking at his best friend worriedly.

"I don't know. I... just want you to stay," Kyle answered truthfully, with a confused expression.

"Well, I'm really sorry, dude, but I told you I can't," Stan said and walked closer to the door.

Kyle continued to plead but it didn't help. Soon Kyle looked at the closed door disappointedly not knowing why Stan's departure upset him that much.

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The next day, Kyle missed Stan at school. He was worried sick about him all day and couldn't pay attention in class. Maybe something happened after Stan left Kyle's house? Kyle couldn't help but think the worst, his theory based on his strange behavior the day before. He had named it his "Super-Best-Friend Instinct" and prayed to god that it was just fictional.

As soon as the bell rang, he stormed off, not even bothering to note the homework. Kenny and Cartman could just stare after him, Kenny worriedly, Cartman disappointedly because he'd thought up a new reason why Jews are bad for the economy and wanted to tell Kyle immediately.

Kyle ran all the way to Stan's house and didn't even notice the schoolbus overtaking him on his way, he was too focused on running. Eventually he reached the Marsh residence and gasped when he saw a police car standing in front of it.

"Oh, no!" he said and quickened his pace again. The officers departed before Kyle could reach the house.

He knocked on the door forcefully, out of breath from his mile-long sprint. As Stan's mother opened the he quickly asked, "Is Stan home?"

Sharon looked down at him. She had tears in her eyes. "Oh, hello, Kyle. Yes, he's upstairs in his room but don't..."

Kyle quickly ran past her and up the steps.

"...go up there now..." Sharon finished, her voice dying down slowly as she gazed after the Jew, confusion replacing the sadness shortly.

Kyle flung open the door and looked around the room. He quickly noticed that Stan lay on his bed, completely covered by the blanket.

"Go away," Stan said in a low, broken voice. Kyle didn't respond and just stood still in the doorway, trying to comprehend the current situation. Besides his heavy breaths the only thing he could hear were silent weeps from under the blanket. A tear appeared his eye. It slowly rolled down his cheek. "S-Stan?"

Stan recognized the voice and lifted his cover a little to peer through underneath it and see his best friend standing in the doorway of his room, "K-Kyle?"

Kyle slowly approached Stan, "Dude, what... what happened?"

Stan turned around under his covers and murmured silently, "Go away, please."

Kyle didn't respond and just continued to approach Stan slowly. He laid a hand on top of Stan's covered figure gently. Stan flinched slightly from the touch but didn't say anything. Kyle asked again, "What happened?"

"I... I should've listened to you," Stan said in his sad, broken voice.

Kyle sat down on Stan's bed and asked again, "What happened?"

"It's all my fault. I deserved it for not listening to you."

"What happened?" Kyle looked at the ceiling while more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I... hate myself," Stan said silently crying into his pillow that was hidden under the covers as well.

Every word of Stan created new tears on Kyle's face. "What happened?"

"I shouldn't live anymore," Stan went on.

"What happened?" Kyle asked a sixth time.

"I want to die," Stan said under heavy sobs now.

Kyle stood up quickly and pulled away the covers forcefully relieving a horrible looking Stan. He wore pajamas and was crying soundly into his pillow.

"Stop it! Stop saying those things! It's not you! Stan Marsh doesn't say things like that... whatever happens to him!" Kyle shouted throwing away the bed cover.

"Don't look at me! Just go away!" Stan shouted into his pillow, more tears leaving his eyes just to be absorbed by the soft fabric of the pillowcase immediately.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU???" Kyle shouted as loud as he could.

Stan winced at the drastic volume increase and turned his head to look at Kyle. Relieving his reddened eyes and his tearstained cheeks. "I..." he turned his head away in shame again, "I was raped."

Kyle's eyes widened in shock. Raped?

"You happy now? I was raped, I was raped, I was raped, I was raped, I was-!" Stan shouted at Kyle until he was silenced by Kyle's hand on his mouth. Stan broke down crying again and curled up into a ball with his back to his best friend.

Kyle sat down on the bed again with more and more tears rolling down his cheeks as well, and he laid a hand on top of him again, petting him gently, "Stan, I... I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I shouldn't have let you go home yesterday. I-"

Stan turned around and looked at Kyle, "Shut up, Kyle! It's not your fault, in no possible way."

"Stan, I..." Kyle moved his hand to Stan's face to wipe away some tears. "Who did this?"

"I didn't know him... he just... grabbed my arm and... pulled me in his car and..." Stan cried. He was silenced by Kyle's finger on his lips. "Shh. Don't talk anymore, Stan."

Kyle regained his composure slowly and went on, "Now listen to me: It's not your fault. It's not my fault either, you're right, but most importantly it is not yours. This guy just... did this to you, you couldn't do anything. It's his fault, and only his. You should _not_ die and I never want to hear those words from you ever again. I know it's hard but you haven't done anything wrong. If someone should die, he should, alright? I know, it's hard but-" Kyle said.

"You know nothing! You haven't been taken advantage of! You weren't just pulled inside some guys car! You weren't raped, Kyle! Do you know how much it hurts?! Can you imagine that?! How it feels when someone just shoves something inside of you, for no reason?!" Stan shouted at his best friend. He didn't want to but it just poured out of him. All the anger, all the frustration. It just spilled out of him

"No, I don't but..." Kyle began. He didn't really know what to say to this, he just wanted to help him.

"But what? There is no 'but', Kyle. Look at me... Look at my fucking body, Kyle. My body's shaky, I can't even move. There is no strength left inside me. I throw up every fucking hour. I cry all the time. I can't get my mind off of it. I'm practically dead! I don't want to live anymore! Why didn't that fucking asshole just end my life? I'm-" Stan cried out.

"STOP IT!!!" Kyle shouted. "Stop fucking degrading yourself! You're a human, you're important, keep your pride!"

"I HAVE NO PRIDE ANYMORE... don't you get it? And as if I'm important. I'm nothing!"

"You _are_ important! You're family loves you! I love you! Your other friends love you!"

"Maybe you're right but... what does it change?"

"Stan, I'm here for your all the time. You're family, too. I know we can't change what happened but we... we can help you live through it. And you WILL live through it because you're the toughest person I know. And don't even consider arguing with that."

Stan just looked at Kyle. He didn't object anymore. He just looked at Kyle. And after a few seconds of plain staring – if you believe it or not – he smiled. "Thank you, Kyle."

Kyle smiled back and moved closer to kiss his best friend gently on the forehead and pull him in a tight hug.

"I love you, Stan."

"I love you, too, Kyle."

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**Alright, thanks a lot for reading. I know you want to kill me now... please review anyway because I'll read them. There is Internet access in hell! XD**

PS: the title is adapted from the song "This Is How It Goes" by Billy Talent. I always listen to it when I'm depressed.


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